where is the rising sun

foot touches radiator for warmth.
oh, what a way to get me here
as i count many mixed blessings
pleasure soaked in grief
i curse the day the sun fell back
and shifted my path
the bedroom bulb is flickering.

before it fell
i was successful
now i question everything.
my hopes are guarded with noise.
too bold to be frightened
too cold to be caring
and i never fall fast asleep

what would it take
i know i can't make the clock rewind
i know i can't make the earth shift
but i can't seem to get a grip on my reality.
i'm fairly justified to be angry but it's been too long
and the sun's done come up and down
up and down since then

when the sun fell back i gained an hour
and a void i haven't yet filled.
spent many more hours contemplating what it takes
to get back what i lost, how on earth do i find it

do i keep on running
or do i return to the place i lost it
hoping it's sitting there waiting for me
like mail, or a love letter filled with apologies