Summer Resolution

This is the part when I want to break away and feel remotely free
This is the part when I want to envelop myself with love from those who truly know me
and clutch the stick shift of a bulldozer lying dormant in my mind
so it can dig its claws under your feet and shovel you out
like a spring cleaning, i need new meaning

while you're fishing in ponds of booze, cheap perfume
perhaps i'll be swimming in the ocean.
while you're waking up and struggling to remember names
perhaps i'll be shouting mine with dignity before i
take the plunge and surprise myself and actually grow...
i prefer sweat to cheap perfume because it's honest
i prefer memorizing a face until it's not unlike my own
because names really are secondary, aren't they?
especially if you can't pronounce them

one thing is for sure, i said what i needed to.
i don't want to drown in your shadow, seethe from expectations never met
kiss the back of your hand while you try and push me out
and embrace the little bit of me i have left.
i prefer to have you at my heels i've grown tall in
i prefer to be recognized as your equal
and not some poor fish you strained from a pool of bad luck.

This is the part where I force myself.
This is the part where I admit, out loud, that it's going to be terribly difficult
and there will be times when it feels impossible
but then i'll relax and try to think about something else.