in big girl shoes
sometimes i don't recognize myself
when i brush by
flying through time like a whistle blown
i've found a place to call 'my home'
and i don't feel so scared this time
to just stay put and actually enjoy it
i've got so many years to think about.
i hear it in the stories that compulsively leap from my tongue
to a dozen heads more or less,
it's a quest for some serious interpersonal connections
and when i think about the faces that have come and gone
characters on pages passed, chapters of delight and deceit
when we didn't know the meaning of discreet
it makes me want to read the book out loud
and share my secrets
look at me standing
in big girl shoes.
but you know i can't just nod my head
it's two steps from dead
i prefer to live with the feeling it all just might stop
so i dig my fingers into the open air
and ride the atomic wave
sometimes i don't recognize myself.
no longer that sad, sometimes too vulnerable girl
with lots of meat on her bones,
i feel like a cheetah.
i'm the opposite of stupid
and deep down i'll always be a brunette at heart
those characters in my story,
what's become of some of them?
i imagine one layered in thick clothes like he always was
except in that foggy summer when i bid zai jin
or the one who lead me there to begin with,
what's his name again? and how the first person
to ever break my heart was a girl
sunburnt in the swimming pool
these beings have given me some onion layers
soon to flake off as i've started peeling
but their aromas are still there.
i smell it in the air.
an undertone in my breath
because i have yet to complete my tale.
a cheetah, chasing the wave of a whistle blown
not so eager to finish first,
and surely not last
just fast enough to savor the adrenaline
and still feel young