I had yet another wonderful yet short weekend. They've been consistently amazing for over a month now. It mainly has to do with the fact that I met a fantastic person.

It's different this time. It doesn't feel like a happy gunshot, with a forthcoming period of misery pulling the trigger. It's slow and steady, and each day it becomes stronger.

Just before we met, I consciously decided I was content with myself and my job and my life. Then, in just days, he walked in and made it even better. Sometimes I feel the need to rub my eyes and catch myself dreaming. But the best part is, I'm not.

I have someone who makes me feel absolutely beautiful. Not like the past excuses I've dated, where I more or less felt comparable to a replacement pair of shoes or secondhand smoke. He's not itching to leave, his heart's not somewhere else, and best of all he says HE'S the lucky one. Imagine that. And the best part is, I believe him.

Before it all began, I opened myself up to the possibility of simplicity. The older I get, the more I realize difficult love isn't really worth it. How about trying someone in the same town? How about being pursued for a change instead of doing all the chasing? And what about being unashamed of my "weaknesses"... my generosity, my constant craving for romance and my cackle of a laugh? Take all of me or don't bother at all. Now I have someone who says "thank you."

And he's gorgeous, too.

besos are the best when you've got nothing to do but give
and give, and take, and give some more.
feet aren't on the ground but they're somewhere
get the worry out
i'm dying to know what the inside of you looks like
as your scent lures my nose like a hook
and my face is hot and red, because i'm losing my breath.
i'm in love with the dents in your shoulders
if i was small enough i'd crawl inside and sleep for a week
hoping i wasn't something you'd want to scratch off
unless i was the winning lottery ticket you claim me to be.
is it fate? the way your lips twist with a joke, a broma
making me shake with my whole body,
for i've given up on the simple laugh.
you've got stories to tell and i'm eager to please,
to hear each and every syllable and understand everything.
just promise me when you lock the door you won't shut me out
that i might be waiting in your room with my small, red book
supplied with captions that lead me closer and closer to the inside
until i'm filled to the brim with knowing

I've got a brace on my wrist. It's difficult to type. I don't know what I did to my hand but it hurts like hell. I'm tired. I'm annoyed. I'm sick with a cold. I'm ready to bolt.

I want to have kids one day, but after spending two hours with twelve teenagers I second-guess that notion. Such ungrateful, disrespectful fuckwads. Not all teenagers on this planet, just the ones I get stuck with on Fridays. They act like their lives are so terrible, but they're all spoiled rotten and absolutely nothing you can do will please them. I'm tired of people saying, "Oh you need to be stern with them." I'm stern and then I'm mocked. They're assholes. Last week they whine and say, Oh can we watch a movie today? This week I showed a movie and they groaned through the entire thing, talking and being totally rude. You want another practice exam? I asked. No, they replied, and continued to talk. I feel like a piece of gravel, constantly being stomped on by disgusting, sticky feet.

To make matters worse, there's this jackass I know who has a talent for stating the obvious as though I didn't know beforehand. He speaks to me like I'm 12 and I absolutely can't. fucking. stand it. And I'm fortunate to see him more than most other people in my life currently. I fantasize about sledgehammers.

I'm craving a beach with blue skies and brown sand. I want a tan. I want to sleep until I feel like it, and then repeat the next day and the next until I'm ready to be finished. I want to be around people I choose to be around. No teenagers allowed, with their shitty Blink-182 and reggae albums blasting. No achingly self-conscious minds. I want tranquility. I want my wrist to stop fucking hurting. I want two days off in a row.

I know there are much worse problems in the world. This is just me venting so I can return to being the "always happy self" people perceive me to be. Luckily I have a movie date to look forward to tonight, and I'm going to lather it on like soap until I start all over again tomorrow.

I might delete this post later when I'm feeling a bit more optimistic. Until then, enjoy my burst of negativity. Saludos!

I need a bottle of cold medicine, a shot of whiskey and a vacation with my new lover.

i saw a man die yesterday
and i did nothing but stand and watch.
curiosity got the best of me while
someone else´s cat lay lifeless on the ground.
another man with a beard pressed the balls of his hands
against the cold man´s chest, pounding a fervent prayer
to come back for a second helping, an encore
or simply a guest appearance on borrowed time.
the day was sunny, the sky was blue like the ocean
and his stomach made waves with each compression.
i thought, what a beautiful morning, and then i wondered if
the man was leaning against the ambulancia, with a crooked smile
while he watched the people kneel around his body.
would he have chosen a different day, a day of gloom and rain
with fervent winds, a declaration of misery and loss
so that his family and friends would not have to feel conflicted
by an opposing association, like orgasm during rape or
death on sunny days
and when they put him in the truck, after a series of failed shocks
he was whisked away and i continued walking home

Spanish people are funny. And sometimes, easily entertained.
A very busy street in Zaragoza is Gran Via. Recently, construction began for a new tram system, called the TramVia. For the next two years, residents, professionals and passerbys of Gran Via will hear the pounding and paving of this transportation line.
 
There´s a lot of controversy surrounding this system. Some think it´s a good idea while many I´ve spoken with disagree of this decision. It´s a lot cheaper than a subway system, but it will only increase traffic. Some argue that the extra money spent on a metro would be wise, however, a metro line would have a difficult time circulating because of the river that courses through the city.
 
Truthfully, I´m ambivalent. I haven´t lived in this town long enough to really sustain a argument. I have a fairly objective opinion of the situation and am willing to work with what I´m given. However, it is annoying walking to work and having my eardrums pulsate against my skull.

What´s entertaining, however, is how fascinated the Zaragozanos are with the construction of this site. Each day I walk along Gran Via at least four times, to and from work twice a day. And every single time, there is a crowd of people standing against the wire gate, watching the slow-as-a-turtle construction. Pavement, bricks, it´s better than watching  a magician perform a groundbreaking trick or George Clooney in his underwear. They´re all so...entranced! I´ve thought about having a popcorn stand nearby to make extra cash. Later I will provide pictures to further display my point. It´s truly a hilarious spectacle, watching people watch people.