i push people away.
not everyone, but most
keep them at arm's length
form the protective barrier of boundary.
i don't like phone calls,
i show up late randomly
i try to pretend nothing's wrong with that
but i know i owe a little more respect.
the biggest fear, a driving force
is hurting someone, is hurting myself
when someone gets close the other feels
involved, motivated
to grow the chain around someone else's arm
and make it stronger and important.
when something becomes important it races
to the top of your list of things to do
places to go, people to see
even if it's in the darkness of your own room
just before dawn.
what if i'm just not ready for all of that
or what if i'm already involved
why can't it work both ways just once...?
meanwhile i'll do my best
to continue furnishing my own resources
making layers out of needle and thread
just to protect my head from the brash cold.
weave a net just tight enough to shroud myself
yet still be able to connect.
to secure the ability to trust a person long enough
to let them stand, without either of us trying to
drag the other along. that way maybe
we'll both have the chance to look into each other's eyes
and know we're doing the right thing
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